


The Things We Do For Love

by goodlivin2u



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 20:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15915624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodlivin2u/pseuds/goodlivin2u
Summary: Dean reads about new trends in sex and does some exploring of his own.(Inspired by this Facebook video: https://www.facebook.com/Channel4/videos/10155291703127330/)





	The Things We Do For Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JenSpinner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenSpinner/gifts).



Dean and Sam were at the grocery store one early morning after running out of food in the bunker. Sammy was taking a long-ass time in the produce section ( _fuckin’ rabbit_ , Dean thought), so Dean decided to order a coffee at the Starbucks and read a magazine. Since he was alone, Dean ordered one of those frilly, girly frappucino drinks and grabbed the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. It was only because he wasn’t around anybody that would give him shit for it, though.

As he flipped through the pages, an article entitled “Ten New Ways to Please Your Man: Trends in Sexual Satisfaction” caught his eye. He was hoping for some detailed pictures to accompany the ideas, but no such luck. In fact, most of the suggestions were old news to him. However, one idea did look interesting.

There seemed to be spas designed specifically to focus on women’s vaginas. Vaginal rejuvenation was becoming quite a money-maker these days, either through plastic surgery and liposuction or through waxing and vajazzling (decorating your vagina with diamonds and rhinestones). Dean actually had hooked up with a girl not too long ago who had some vajazzle. It was the hottest sex he’d ever had (the sight alone was enough to set him off), but it was also the messiest. He found crystals in his bed for days!

This new trend, though, explored vaginal rejuvenation through the assistance of animals. First, the naked woman would sit down on a chair that was similar to a toilet, with her vagina over the bowl. The bowl would have near-boiling water that a person could customize with a fragrance. The steam from the water would enter your vagina and open up your pores, getting them ready for the second part of the treatment. Next, the lower half of the woman’s body would be submerged in water with fish. The fish would nibble on any dirt or stubborn discharge that was around the vagina. After that, the spa technician would replace the fish with a crab that would pluck any stray or ingrown hairs. Finally, an octopus would be introduced and would suction the vagina to bring blood to the surface and make it look plumper.

Dean seemed a bit skeptical of the idea, but was intrigued enough to keep it in the back of his mind. Perhaps he would ask Sammy if any of his one-night stands admitted to trying it.

 

\---------------------------------

 

A couple days later, Dean found himself in front of a pop-up shop in the middle of the mall that demonstrated the idea he had read about. Sam and Cas were downstairs at Hot Topical getting a present for Claire’s birthday. Dean listened in as women asked questions like “Does it hurt?” and “Do the fish like it?”

“Oh yes!” the technician replied. “They can’t get enough. This is like a treat for them – and for you! Just like the fish, your husband won’t be able to resist.”

“What if you’d like a specific shape for the hair down there?” a lady asked.

“Oh, that would be easy enough. We have spent hours in the labs training the crabs in various designs, so they are well-versed on anything you could come up with. We’d just show them a picture of what you were thinking, and then hypnotize them.”

At this point, Dean thought this must be a joke. These poor women are actually buying into this crap! And yet, he couldn’t help but ask….

“Do you do couple sessions? What if the husband wanted to try this as well?”

“Oh, I have been waiting all day for that question!” the technician squealed as she grabbed Dean by the shoulders.

“Now, it wouldn’t be exactly the same as the woman’s treatment because men don’t have the same body parts. However, we could augment the process so that the fish would eat around the tip of the penis and scrotum, while the crab would trim the pubic hair around it, and the octopus would suction the skin of the penis to make it look bigger. I would imagine that last part to feel a bit like a blow-job,” she giggled.

Dean couldn’t help but want to at least try it. How bad could a blow-job be? Of course, this bordered on bestiality, but if the animals “loved it” as much as they were advertised to… well, he couldn’t deny someone – or something – that pleasure.

“Now,” the lady continued, “Some of these scents might seem a bit too feminine for the guys. Don’t worry, though, fellas! You can choose from either the smell of smoked bacon, or – if your partner has delicate sensibilities -  fresh apple pie.”

Dean was beginning to get on board with this idea. As the crowd chittered away, he pulled the technician aside and asked, “What do you do for a gay male?”

Dean had been questioning his sexuality for awhile now, especially since that damn angel of his lived at the bunker with Dean and Sam. It was increasingly hard for Dean to not fall into domestic bliss and pretend that he and Cas were more than hunting partners. It was even harder not to invite Cas back to his room each night after a wild time at the bar or a steamy shower. At this point in his life, Dean had to force himself to keep up the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” lifestyle that his friends knew him by. Honestly, though, he only wanted Cas.

The technician appeared a bit shocked at Dean’s question, but she was quick to display professionalism.

“It would be up to the person’s preference, of course. If the man was more dominant, we would focus on his front areas of the body. However, for a more submissive person…. we could see what he would like done to his buttock region.”

Dean didn’t know if he was quite ready for _that_ spa treatment, but if it got Cas to pay attention, it was worth investigating.

“Here’s my business card. You can call me to schedule an appointment at my office nearby.”

Dean looked at the card briefly before putting it in the pocket of his worn leather jacket.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“Guys, I’m heading out. I’ll be back later,” Dean yelled to the hallway of the bunker.

Sam popped his head around his bedroom door.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to take care of some personal business.”

“Such as…?”

“Such as none of your business, bitch!”

“Jerk,” Sam muttered as he slammed his door shut.

As Dean turned around to leave, he walked right into Castiel, who seemingly appeared out of thin air.

“Dean, when do you think you’ll be back? I’d like to try a new recipe for dinner, and I’d hate for you to miss it.”

Dean hoped he’d be back soon, or else his plan would be that much harder to follow through on. He didn’t want to disappoint Cas – either for dinner or for “dessert.”

“Trust me, I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t important, buddy.” Dean clapped Cas on the shoulder before brushing past him.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“Have you decided what you’d like done today, Mr. Winchester?” the lady at the front register asked.

“Uh, yeah. I’d like the Sea Creature special, please.”

“Of course. Wait here while we get it ready or you.”

A couple minutes went by and Dean looked at his watch, anxious to get this over with. The door to the back room opened and a male spa technician stepped out.

“Mr. Winchester? I’ll be taking care of you today,” he said.

“Umm…maybe I should come back another day.”

Dean rose from his seat and grabbed his jacket.

“Nervous? I was too, during my first time. There’s nothing to be afraid of,” the tech said with a smile.

Dean hesitated.

“Come on now, I don’t bite – only the fish do. Unless of course… well, that costs more.” He winked.

Dean wanted to know where the lady from the mall demonstration was. Why could she have been his technician today? Yeah, she was a bit too cheerful and honestly scared Dean with the level of her enthusiasm, but at least it wasn’t a _dude_. It was one thing to get undressed in front of guys from the locker room at the gym, but here? Paying to be naked and be eaten by fish while a technician – who happened to also be male – looked on? And Dean was supposed to _enjoy_ this, feel _sexy_ doing this?

He was led down the hallway and told to undress before slipping on a bathrobe.

_You can do this, man. It’s one hour of your life. How bad can it be_ , Dean thought?

“Would you like steam today?”

“Uh, sure? One of the other ladies mentioned an apple pie scent?”

“Yes, we have that. I’ll add it to the water for you.”

The tech motioned for Dean to sit down on a chair that – yep – totally looked like a senior had used it to pee in last week from the hospital. _Let’s just hope they sanitized the fuck out of it_ , he thought.

Dean closed his eyes as he felt the steam roll over him. He tried to pretend it was a lover breathing on his body, but that didn’t work.

“Follow me, Mr. Winchester,” the tech said a couple minutes later as they went to the room next door. Inside, there was a huge fish tank that was at least six feet tall by ten feet long and two feet across.

Seeing Dean’s wide eyes, the tech said: “We want the fish to have as much room as possible to move around. Keeping them in confined spaces are against our ethical standards.”

He held his hand out as Dean stepped up to the tank.

“We went through several designs and positions that might produce the best results for our customers. We decided that this was the top choice.”

The tech motioned to a stool in the tank that was only a frame – no seat or backing, just the outline of a chair with four legs bound together in a square shape and quasi-armrests to lean on.

“It allows the most area of skin to be touched by the fish. You may, of course, either sit upright or lay face down across it. If you choose the latter, however, note that your face will be submerged in the water. We will provide the snorkeling mask for that.”

As Dean found his balance sitting down, he saw that the water in the tank came up just below his chin.

The tech pushed a button on his walkie-talkie and said: “Release the fish.”

Dean couldn’t tell the exact number, but he counted maybe five or six small fish as they swarmed towards his pelvis. Their bites didn’t hurt, but it was definitely a new sensation.

After a good ten minutes, the fish exited the tank through a small hole that led to pipes. The crab came next, and thankfully there was just one. As the crab plucked away at Dean’s pubic hair to make it look more presentable, Dean felt himself gripping the armrests. So far, this was his least favorite part.

When the octopus entered, though…. _that_ made him shiver. It was so slimy that Dean knew he’d have to clean his body more than once to get the gunk off him. It felt as though the octopus was everywhere at once, thanks to all the tentacles. Dean promised himself he wouldn’t look at its beady eyes. If he kept his head above water, he could pretend that this wasn’t a live animal, and instead one of his various sex toys.

Just as the tech was about to take the octopus away, Dean gained enough courage to say: “Do you think he could do my butt? I feel it could be a bit plumper, don’t you think?”

“As you wish, sir.” The tech placed the octopus on Dean’s lower back before stepping away. As soon as the octopus moved in between his butt cheeks, though, Dean gave a yelp and stood up in the water.

“Nope! I’m done.”

Dean grabbed a towel and ran out of the room. As he put on his robe, the front desk lady came up to him.

“I’m so sorry about the inconvenience. Because of that, we’re willing to refund half your money and offer a bedazzling session to you, free of charge. How does that sound?”

Dean contemplated just cutting his losses and going home. And yet… the word “free” did have a nice ring to it.

“Only if you promise no animals are coming anywhere near me again.”

“Only humans, sir.”’

“Fine, then.”

Dean didn’t want a diamond-encrusted penis. That would defeat all attempts at either penetrating Cas or a blow-job from him. He settled on a small design right above his ass, where a tramp stamp would go. As temporary as this would be, it would convey the appropriate message.

Putting the crystals on Dean didn’t take much time, and before he knew it, he was driving back to the bunker. He almost made a detour for takeout, but thankfully remembered Cas’ plans instead. Checking his watch, he cursed inwardly. _Shit, better get home soon_ , he thought.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“Do you think Dean will like this dinner, Sam? You know I can’t taste anything but molecules these days.”

“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled that you put in the effort, Cas! We won’t tell him about the two pies you burnt in the process, though, okay?”

Cas motioned like he was zipping his lips and threw away the key. Wondering where he picked that mannerism up, Sam shook his head fondly. The front door of the bunker opened, causing the two men to look up.

“Dean! You made it just in time. Dinner’s almost ready – did you want to take a shower to get cleaned up?” Cas asked.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, eyes searching for a place to land.

“You know what? I just heard on the news the other day that Americans use too much water. Some countries don’t even have water to bathe in at all, so who am I to make it harder on them?” he babbled.

Sam looked at him as if Dean had suddenly sprouted three heads.

“Dude, you love your showers! You spend so long in them there’s none left for me in the morning.”

“Yeah, well maybe I should start being nicer to you, Sammy. From now on, you can have all the water you want in here.”

Sam left the room, and returned with a flask of holy water. Throwing it on Dean, he said: “Okay, that’s it. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

“What the hell, man? Did you not here anything I just said about wasting water? Honestly, Sam – if anyone needs to get a reality check, it’s you,” Dean grumbled as he stomped to his room and slammed the door.

“Well, that didn’t go as expected,” Cas said.

“It’s nothing you did, Cas. He’s probably just in a bad mood because the liquor store down the street didn’t have the latest issue of _Busty Asian Beauties_. He’ll get over it.”

“By dinnertime?” he asked hopefully.

Sam clapped Cas on the shoulder before exiting the room.

“For all our sakes, I hope so.”

 

\---------------------------------

 

Half an hour later, Cas knocked on Dean’s door.

“Dean? I brought you some dinner. I didn’t know when you’d be coming out to eat.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

Dean patted the space on the bed next to him, gesturing for Cas to sit down.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that argument earlier. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately.”

“I understand. Human emotions can be quite complicated.”

Dean lifted his head and met Cas’ eyes: “It’s nice to know I have an angel on my side, though.”

Their heads moved closer and closer together until they were an inch apart. Dean could feel Cas’ breath on his lips.

“Dean?”

“Hm?” he mumbled as he cracked open an eye.

“Your food’s getting cold. Eat your dinner.”

“Couldn’t we just microwave it later?”

Cas took Dean’s hand and moved it on top of his thigh.

“Believe me, Dean, when I say there are other _pressing_ matters at hand. But I have learned over the years that food is a main priority for humans, especially hot food. I think it is evolution-based. You’ll be much happier once you eat.”

“Why do you have to always be right?”

“It’s a gift,” Cas said, pride evident on his face. “Admit it, you love it.”

“I do.”

Cas kissed Dean on his nose before replying, “Good. Now eat up.”

 

\---------------------------------

 

Pretty soon after dinner, the two of them started making out and shedding clothes. Most of the lights were turned off, save for one in the corner. Dean was still a little sore from his adventure earlier in the day, so he focused all the attention on Cas instead. When it was time for them to decide who would top and who would bottom, Dean offered himself up willingly.

“Dean,” Cas breathed in, reaching out to touch the design on his lower back. “Did you do this for me?”

Turning his head around, Dean said: “Yeah, Cas. I’m yours, always have been. I thought you knew that.”

Instead of letting it be a sweet moment, Cas became possessive almost instantly.

“Mine,” he growled before diving in.

 

\---------------------------------

 

The next morning at breakfast, Cas and Dean sat down at the table while Sam was reading the newspaper for any supernatural cases.

“Cas, I think you’ve – “ cough “- got a little something in your hair. Might want to take care of that,” Sam said while turning red.

Dean plucked a crystal out of Cas’ scalp and took this opportunity to run his hand through his hair.

“That performance was definitely better than some octopus, though. Let me tell you!” Dean whispered in Cas’ ear.


End file.
